when you try to run away from something, it comes straight back at you.. bull’s eye.. when you try so hard to escape from the cruel world you are living in, that world comes face to face with you.. when you try to hide from all the battles that haunt you, you know it’s shadow will never leave you.. how ironic isn’t it?! the world has given us endless opportunities, opportunities to grow, to be with the people we care about, to laugh, to explore, to have fun, to live and to love.. but the world isn’t just like that. amidst those happiness, there is still sadness, fear, hatred, anger, despair, regrets, the feeling of solitude and the very painful feeling of being unloved. the battle begins here. the battle that each one of us has to take, to be ready for and to fight with. no matter how we try to live a normal and peaceful life, the world will never stop throwing stones at us, causing us to be hurt, to be shaken and to fall on the ground. and the very moment you hit on the ground, you come to pause for a moment, to think and to ask why.. but defeat never starts there.. it is only the beginning of fighting that battle. but, sometimes, because the world wouldn’t stop on giving us problems, we try to escape from all of those, we try to pretend that we don’t have them, that we are very happy with our lives and that we don’t feel the slightest bit of hurt and pain, of sadness and loneliness.. we try to engage in merriment, drinking, knowing that intoxication brings you in a state of bliss, when one feels that he or she can control the world, when one is in a state of not having time to worry nor to be afraid.. dancing the whole night long, with people around you, having fun, laughing, with loud music that won’t give you the time to think and a beat that revolves around your head bringing you in a place of complete surrender.. and then it ends there!!! the moment you leave the place, reach your home and open the door to your room, there is nothing left. no people to dance and drink with, there is no music, the beat is gone, voices unheard, the sounds of laughter ceased and all that is left is YOU.. you stop. you stare at an empty space, you come back to your senses, you begin to think and to ask why.. and then you begin to learn and to understand.. understand why we can never really have everything we want.. understand why we are alone, in many years of solitude and loneliness without someone to have and hold.. understand why our parents cannot give us everything we wish for and even though we ask for it over and over again, they can never give it to us.. understand the trauma that your friend has given you and even if how much you shove it out of your thoughts, it still tries to squeeze its way in your mind.. you begin to understand that despite doing all the things for someone, you can never be the person that he or she will love.. understand that even if you try your very best, he or she will never love you for who you are and that you will never be enough for him or her.. understand why the world has been so selfish on you, and why others have so much and you having none.. understand why change is inevitable, that we are now growing up and that things will be more complicated than before.. understand that no matter how we question and think, we can never find the answers we’ve long been searching for.. understand why God hasn’t responded to your call and that maybe He has other plans for us.. and we begin to understand that life is never easy, that everyday we are faced with a battle, a battle that only us can conquer, a battle that must be faced with honor and dignity, not with escape nor running away.. and when it finally sinks in to the very core of our hearts, you get a look at the very thing that will give you a sense of comfort, you get a grip of that dirty pillow you’ve been hugging ever since when, and in complete surrender, little by little, tears start to well in your eyes and then….
…you begin to CRY…;(
